In memory of Patty, 1940-2008
Patty Bryant
(click on picture for album of Patty pixs)
“ A Loving Sister, Mother, and Partner”
Pat’s life as told to Bob…
Pat grew up in small town Massachusetts spending “Tom Sawyer” summers in Bird Park swimming in the pond, laying on the stone bridge in the warming sun, stealing from old man Lacivada’s orchard (he really didn’t mind), twirling her “cowboy” rope while standing on a rail fence so she could make the lasso loop larger, kicking the autumn leaves, and facing the death of her mother at 12. That had a profound effect on her young life as she had to leave behind childhood and enter into adulthood with her sister to run a house, care for her father, and start working too early.
When Pat was 14 her sister Eileen married and moved out of the house. Pat then was in “charge” of her of a 6-room house, an alcoholic father, an eternally grumpy grandfather, a clueless older brother who also drank, and stubborn, angry, direction-less Pat, looking for love in all the wrong places.
As a young woman she didn’t get a chance to finish schooling though later she did get her GED and go onto college. She was wild and free which caused her to also be foolish and irresponsible. A strange combination brought about by being pushed onto the stage of life she wasn’t ready for.
One story that speaks volumes about how Pat saw herself was that while she was attending Framingham College her councilor asked for the address of her home where the school would send her grades. She replied with the address of her dorm and said it was her home. He replied next you’ll be telling me your mother and father are dead and you’re all alone in the world. Pat replied “Yes”… Of course she wasn’t “all alone” as she always had the love support of her sister Eileen.
She always liked to say how she was at M.I.T. during the first heady days of the space program (early sixties for you young folks). And she did get to meet some of the original 7 astronauts. Then she comes back to earth and confesses that she “worked at M.I.T.”…
It was at this time that Pat just a child herself in many ways but living the life an adult became pregnant. She had the sense to know she was not ready or able to care for a child so she opted to give up her daughter for adoption, Ann Patricia Griffen. So Pat only able to hold her for only 15 min. after giving birth. They would not hug again until 36 years later, first by a beautiful letter Pat received on 11 September 1998 and then a month later at the Orange County Airport.
It was one of the greatest joys of my life to be part of that reunion. It was Pat’s greatest joy of her life to be able to reconnect with Ann and find what a wonderful person she is. (Bob)
But also in time frame she did hear about the Unitarians and attended a meeting one day. Then she starting going more often and found that in fact she was a Unitarian which she remained for the rest of her life.
Then she found the “job of her life” working for Mrs. “Tillie” Moore, then Director of Nigerian Programs of the Unitarian Universalist Service Committee in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Pat would say “If I was independently wealthy and didn’t have to come in hear and work from 8 to 5 each day for money, I’d come in for free.” Living the true life of following your passion.
Pat was never clear about this part of her life as I think she was not proud of it. I’m sure she made many mistakes and suffered later from the daemons that haunted her mind. But in any case she married a Jack Griffin and in 1971 had a son Wylie.
When Wylie was 1 Pat feared for her and Wylie’s safety as Jack was quite abusive. She packed Wylie into a backpack and with a suitcase struck out for California.
Once again free but now with a 1-year old she had to work. Various jobs and a wild life were the norm. Once again Pat was adrift without much meaning other than trying to raise Wylie to not be his dad. In this clinging period she found and married Jerry Biechler becoming Pat Biechler. They seemed to be a happy family into dirt biking, sports, and camping. Pat was hoping Jerry would be the dad for Wylie that Jack was not. Things don’t always turn out the way we want.
Pat started working for a new Savings and Loan and soon found an unused state of the art (for the time) word processor. Pat is a wordsmith and took to the machine doing things with it that the manufacture didn’t know were possible. Soon her little closet operation became a central part of the organization and she had responsibility for more and more of the daily communications. Something must have happened in Pat’s mind and she became too stressed and broke down. In 1982 she was disabled and unable to function or work again in the 9-5 world.
In 1984 Pat and Bob meet as a result of the Orange County Road Riders, a touring motorcycle club. Pat was growing away from Jerry and finding she had traded one set abuse for another, this time it was the mental abuse that she saw and it was directed towards Wylie.
In 1986 Pat broke from her marriage and became a partner with Bob blending a family that included 3 kids. A year later Pat and Bob were married at their home in Garden Grove, CA… with the ceremony ending in the pool…
Wylie became more withdrawn and anti-social, all that he loved was his music. Pat and Bob tried to put him back on track but by 1989 he was living a vagabond’s life at the beach and in Hollywood. In the end Wylie had become his father Jack, beating up girlfriends, abusing drugs, and ending up in and out of prison. Pat’s worst nightmares that she fought so hard to prevent had become true.
Then Ann stepped into her life on September 11, 1998. That truly wonderful daughter that Pat had hoped for back in that hospital in Boston was in fact.
For 10 years they shared joys and sorrows, became mother and daughter while Pat was ever grateful to Ann’s true parents and NEVER wanted to detract from that.
When Pat and Bob got together them became “TeamBryant” and worked together thru the years in homeless shelters, care facilities for medically fragile children, building web sites for indigenous peoples, support the free thought movement, food gleaning programs, and always the UU movement. Pat was the lead while Bob made up the support staff.
And so on September 11, 2008 the end of the circle that began 10 years earlier came around to its starting point. Now the circle is complete.
Patty – “I keep trying to make things better, but even after a fresh coat of paint here, a fundraiser for homeless shelter there, or a protest against discrimination there, the decay eventually bleeds through again.. The sadness doesn’t stop… and I’m running out of paint!”
(Bob) I’m sorry that Silver City will miss the team but I will carry on the work as best as a hawk can with a broken wing… looking for more paint!
From the Native American Ishi people of the Pacific Northwest, who imagined that their dead spoke to them saying When I am dead, cry for me a little, think of me sometimes, but not too much. It is not good for you to allow your thoughts to dwell too long upon the dead. Think of me now and again as I was in life, at some moment which is pleasant to recall, but not for too long. Leave me in peace, as I shall leave you in peace. While you live, let your thought be with the living.